Mr. Monday and other tales of Jewish Amsterdam

128 Air. Monday and Other Tales of Jewish Amsterdam

Naturally, she didn't hesitate, and all the rest of the evening everybody had to hear how Dentist Klinger first pulled all her molars and incisors, painlessly, but she didn't have to be put to sleep; and how he then took her mouth measurements, because she could have a ready-made set or get a set made to order. When Aunt Pessie finally went home that night, what did she do but put ten cents in my hand. From that evening on, I always took the trouble to be around when Aunt Breinie or Aunt Pessie-with-the Pricetag was coming for a visit.

To give Aunt Breinie the same pleasure, I would ask if she would tell about her operation. Then I got ten cents from her, just like the other aunt gave me money if I brought her teeth into the conversation.

Only when they came visiting together did things get a little complicated. I wanted to hold onto both of them as clients, and they were always competing. It left me in the middle. Neither one of the aunts had children, and in the family it was soon being said, "This Zelik is a real lucky dog. Just listen to what I am predicting. If Aunt Breinie or Aunt Pessie-with-the-Pricetag—G-d keep us and save us— shut their eyes for good, then Zelik is getting the money... from both of them."

Because of all that talk I got pretty high-nosed. I became cocky, until one evening I had brought the conversation around again to the false teeth, but did not get any ten cents in return. I became so angry that I planned for myself a revenge and the opportunity for that revenge came very quickly.

It was an evening when both aunts were paying a call on my mother. During a lull in the conversation I said: